Grief doesn't follow a predictable timeline. You may feel deeply sad one day and relatively okay the next.

You may feel angry.

Numb.

Relieved.

Confused.

Guilty.

Exhausted.

Or you may wonder why you aren't feeling what other people expect you to feel. All of these experiences can occur during grief. Sometimes the people around you expect you to "move on" long before you feel ready. Other times, everyone else returns to their normal routines while your world still feels completely different.

Therapy gives you a place where your grief doesn't have to fit anyone else's timeline.

When people hear the word grief, they often think about losing someone to death. But grief can follow many kinds of loss.

You may be grieving:

• The death of a loved one
• The loss of a parent
• The loss of a spouse or partner
• The loss of a child
• The loss of a sibling
• The loss of a friend
• Pregnancy or reproductive loss
• Divorce or separation
• The end of an important relationship
• Family estrangement
• Changes in your health
• A loved one's serious illness
• Becoming a caregiver
• Loss of independence
• Retirement
• Job or career loss
• Relocation
• Children leaving home
• Changes in family roles
• The loss of a friendship
• A major change in identity
• A future you expected but didn't get

Sometimes people don't recognize these experiences as grief because no one died. But losing a relationship, role, ability, dream, routine, or version of your life can still create a very real grieving process.

At Destiny Supportive Services, our therapists provide online counseling throughout New Jersey to help clients better understand their anxiety, develop healthier coping strategies, and feel more confident managing everyday life.

Grief can affect your emotions, thoughts, body, relationships, and daily functioning.

You may experience:

• Intense sadness
• Crying unexpectedly
• Emotional numbness
• Anger or irritability
• Guilt
• Regret
• Loneliness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Forgetfulness
• Changes in sleep
• Changes in appetite
• Fatigue
• Feeling disconnected from others
• Loss of motivation
• Difficulty returning to routines
• Avoiding reminders of the loss
• Constantly thinking about what happened
• Questioning decisions you made
• Feeling like other people don't understand
• Difficulty imagining the future
• Feeling pressure to "be strong"
• Anxiety about experiencing another loss

Your grief may also change over time. There may be days when you feel as though you're beginning to adjust and others when a memory, anniversary, song, holiday, photograph, conversation, or unexpected reminder makes the loss feel immediate again. That doesn't necessarily mean you're moving backward. Grief isn't a straight line.

The death of someone important can change daily life in ways other people may not immediately understand. You aren't only grieving the person.

You may also be grieving:

The conversations you expected to have.

Future celebrations.

Traditions.

Daily routines.

Advice you can no longer ask for.

The role that person played in your family.

Or simply knowing that they were there.

Grief counseling can provide space to talk openly about the person you lost while exploring how you are adjusting to life without their physical presence.

Sometimes grieving begins before a loss occurs. If someone you love has a serious, progressive, or life-limiting illness, you may find yourself grieving changes while also trying to remain present. You may experience sadness, anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, anger, helplessness, or fear about what is coming.

You may also be balancing caregiving responsibilities, medical decisions, work, finances, children, and the emotional needs of other family members. Therapy can provide a private space to process these complicated emotions without requiring you to be the strong person for everyone else.

Caregiving can involve love, purpose, exhaustion, frustration, fear, and grief at the same time. You may be watching someone you care about change physically, emotionally, or cognitively. You may also be grieving changes in your own life.

Your independence.

Your relationship.

Your routines.

Your career.

Your social life.

Or the future you expected. 

And when caregiving ends, the grief can become even more complicated. You may deeply miss the person while also experiencing relief that the caregiving demands—or your loved one's suffering—have ended. Having mixed emotions doesn't make your grief less meaningful.

The end of a relationship can create a grieving process even when you know the relationship needed to end. You may be grieving:

• Your partner
• Your family structure
• Your home
• Shared friendships
• Financial security
• Daily routines
• Future plans
• Your identity as part of a couple
• Time with your children
• The person you thought your partner was
• The future you imagined together

Therapy can help you process the loss while beginning to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.

Some losses don't involve death. Family estrangement, addiction, dementia, serious mental illness, relationship breakdown, incarceration, or other circumstances can change a relationship so significantly that you find yourself grieving someone who is still living.

This type of loss can be especially difficult because there may be no clear ending and little social recognition of what you're experiencing. You may simultaneously experience love, anger, hope, disappointment, guilt, and grief. Therapy provides space to explore those emotions without requiring you to choose just one.

The goal of grief counseling isn't to make you forget the person or experience you lost. And therapy isn't about forcing you to "get over it." Instead, grief counseling can help you understand your emotions, develop healthy ways of coping, adjust to changes in your life, and determine what moving forward means for you.

Depending on your circumstances, therapy may help you:

• Process emotions related to your loss
• Understand your individual grief experience
• Work through guilt, anger, regret, or unanswered questions
• Develop healthy coping strategies
• Navigate difficult anniversaries, holidays, and reminders
• Communicate your needs to family and friends
• Adjust to changes in roles and responsibilities
• Rebuild routines
• Address isolation and withdrawal
• Strengthen your support system
• Explore changes in identity
• Manage anxiety related to future loss
• Develop healthier ways of remembering and honoring someone
• Reconnect with meaningful activities and relationships
• Adjust to a life that looks different than it did before

Moving forward doesn't mean leaving someone—or an important part of your life—behind.

At Destiny Supportive Services, we understand that grief is deeply personal. Two people can experience the same loss and respond completely differently. Your relationship with the person or experience you lost, cultural background, family relationships, beliefs, previous losses, support system, life circumstances, and personal history can all influence how you grieve. Our clinicians provide individualized support rather than expecting your grief to follow a particular formula.

Our clinicians may incorporate approaches such as CBT, DBT-informed skills, mindfulness, strengths-based interventions, solution-focused therapy and other evidenced-based approaches based on the individual therapist and client's needs.